Just ignore me.
Oh help, oh help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go away from home, leave everyone I know and spend 5! weeks with people I’ve never heard of and have never seen before. Oh Help! Damn why the hell did I sign up for this. I feel so stupid now. I wish I had more time to spend with friends. (This negative mood is probably induced by listening to not the right music at the moment, it’s really nice but if you’re not in a very happy mood it sort of induces extra negativity. Yes I am stupid). Eating carrots and listing to “It was you” by 12 Stones. No I don’t do cohesive anymore.
Stupid boat! Stupid Sea! Stupid Corals!
I know everything is going to be fine and I’ll have fun and stuff but that’s not there yet. First I need to get there. Meet the people. Understand what I’ll do. Get the hang of it.
It is handy of course as it will be an extra course and good for my courage maybe and I’ll learn stuff. And once I get there I am probably even going to like it. But I’m not there yet, someday I’ll look back at all my stupid thoughts and habits around this time and think that it wasn’t as bad (I hope) and I’ll feel sorry for my past self. If it’s over. The whole point, it is not over yet.
Ah well, it helps writing sometimes. For some unknown reason it helps now, I’ve lost the feelings a bit more. I do wish I had some people with me, some things I think I will miss. Mostly people though. I’ll miss them. New people, new things, possibilities, potential friendships etc. (Desperately trying to see light at the end of my own self-excavated tunnel). Wish me luck.
Love, Lucy
